“I felt I didn’t deserve to be there in my own right”: Nicole Kidman’s Heartbreaking Mental Struggle During Tom Cruise Marriage

Nicole Kidman is one of the most talented and well-respected actresses in the industry who is widely known for her work in television and films. She has been known for seeking eccentric roles in risky projects and has proved why she is called one of the finest actresses of her generation. Kidman is also known to practice method acting for many of her roles and is often witnessed transforming herself physically, mentally, and emotionally to resemble her characters.

The actress who is married to country singer Keith Urban has recently appeared in one of her most risky projects, Babygirl. She was previously married to action star Tom Cruise, and despite their in-sync chemistry, the two couldn’t make things work. Though both have mostly remained tight-lipped about their separation, Nicole Kidman once opened up about her side of the story.

Nicole Kidman was willing to give up everything for Tom Cruise

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise were known as the IT couple back in the 1990s. They met on the sets of Days of Thunder, and after a year of dating, the two of them decided to get married on Christmas Eve. The actress in an interview with Vanity Fair had shared,

He basically swept me off my feet. I fell madly, passionately in love. And as happens when you fall in love, my whole plan in terms of what I wanted for my life—I was like, ‘Forget it. That’s it. I was consumed by it, willingly.

Kidman recalled that she desperately wanted to have a baby with Tom Cruise no matter if they were married or not. After the two of them got together, Kidman became the woman who had always wished to live a strong, independent life as a woman inside the engine of the Hollywood machine.

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise’s chemistry is something that no one can deny, and the actress speaks very highly of it as she describes that she was devoted to the actor without any clause and doubt. She noted she was willing to give up everything, and that is something she is willing to do for a movie too. She mentioned,

I was reeling with Tom, and I loved it, and I would have walked to the end of the earth. That meant giving up a lot of things that were important to me.

Of course, the actress understood that being Mrs. Tom Cruise was not easy because he was a star and people wanted to know about their relationship, and thus they were watched and scrutinized.

But Kidman describes this experience as something that brings the two people involved closer, and they become very dependent on each other.

Nicole Kidman recalls feeling like a ‘trophy wife’ in marriage with Tom Cruise

Kidman, who has been labeled to have an ice princess personality, has never been rude to the press, but since the couple was reportedly known for their controlled public appearances, she was dubbed with the title that has stayed to date.

Nicole Kidman loved Tom Cruise, but somehow she was only being cast in roles to curry favor with her husband. The actress had shared that over time she started to feel like a trophy wife in the marriage rather than two individuals who had their respective careers. At times Kidman had mentioned that she felt like she just had to put on a beautiful dress and was supposed to be seen and not heard.

In her conversation with the publication, she added,

I felt I didn’t deserve to be there in my own right, and so throughout I wasn’t there as Nicole—I was there as Tom’s wife.

Nicole Kidman has never been one of those actresses who’d let her pride come in the middle of an exciting role, so she started seeking out roles she felt she was meant to do. When she convinced filmmaker Gus Van Sant to play Suzanne Stone-Maretto in To Die For, the director mentioned that she was indeed right when she said she was meant to play that role. Things started to take a turn from there, especially after she portrayed Isabel Archer in Portrait of a Lady.

Kidman said that she realized that she could be fulfilled creatively and she had given up on that. After her realization, Kidman only wanted to take projects that were worthwhile and still have time for her family. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman worked once again on Eyes Wide Shut, and things were great for the couple.

Tom Cruise filed for divorce in 2001, and the actress mentioned she was blindsided by the decision. It was during the time the actress was in postproduction of Moulin Rouge that she disclosed to Baz Luhrmann that the actor had decided to end their marriage. However, the two of them are very respectful towards each other, and Kidman is happy in her marriage with Keith Urban and her career that has no plans of slowing down.

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise share two kids, Isabella Jane and Connor, who were adopted in 1992 and 1995, respectively.